The journey back home was a whirlwind of emotions and realizations. On one hand, I was filled with an electrifying vision of purpose, ignited by the transformative experiences in Peru. I had clarity about my path, and I felt a deep sense of joy and excitement. Ideas and plans flowed like a river, and I feverishly filled pages of my journal on the plane with my aspirations, weaving the images from my jungle quest into a plan for the future.

However, this newfound clarity collided with the stark realities of my life back home. The physical separation from the women with whom I had shared such a powerful journey was painful. I was about to be thrust back into the real world of routines, etiquette and expectations. 

Despite the inner turmoil, I held onto a deep trust in the universe. I believed that what effortlessly flowed to me was meant for me. As I stepped off the plane and into the bustling airport, I could feel the weight of responsibility returning with every passing minute. The images of the lush Amazon jungle and the profound connections I had forged with the women there were still vivid in my mind as I walked through the airport terminal. The echoes of jungle chants and the scent of sacred herbs still clinging to my senses. There was an undeniable clarity in knowing my purpose, a fire that had been ignited during those transformative weeks in Peru. I was eager to bring the wisdom and healing I had gained to the world. But for now, in the distance I could see the faces of my everyday life waiting for my arrival. 

Reality hit hard on those first days back. I had two young children who depended on me, a husband who had missed me dearly, and a life that had carried on in my absence. The two sides of my existence became palpable. On one hand, I longed for the engulfing denseness of the jungle, the connection, the groundedness, the knowing. On the other, I had responsibilities that couldn't be ignored.

Adapting back into ordinary life with two young children and a husband presented one of the most significant challenges. I wasn't ready to share the depths of my jungle experiences, so I kept the magic inside, creating a divide between myself and my family. I battled moments of resentment towards them, but I also knew where my heart truly longed to be. The see-sawing of my emotions constantly knocking me off my game.

The guilt became a constant companion. I felt torn between my desire to fully immerse myself in this newfound purpose and the love and duty I felt towards my family. It wasn't just a one-way struggle; they, too, felt the shifts in me. My husband noticed my longing for something more, something beyond the ordinary. My children, though too young to articulate it, sensed the restlessness in their mother.

I grappled with the duality of knowing my purpose and the practicalities of life at home. The jungle had shown me a path of transformation and self-discovery, but it hadn't prepared me for the challenges of balancing my responsibilities as a mother and a wife. That first week of being home felt like I was being ripped in half. This woman I had brought home from the jungle rebelled against the conformity of her ordinary life and her daily responsibilities.

I remember one particularly difficult moment when, overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood and domesticity, I shut myself in the darkness of the wardrobe. The primal screams that resounded from me were a desperate release, an ache for the wild woman who returned home with me but couldn’t find her place. But here I was with two little boys who needed their mother. It was a stark reminder that I had to find a way to bring myself back and make peace with the life I had chosen.

My journal became my confidant, a place where I could pour out my feelings, both the magic of the jungle and the challenges of my everyday life. Through this practice, I remembered all that had happened during my transformative journey and continued to practice the lessons I had learned. An evolution of purpose and responsibility was harmonising within me.

Time became my healer. In the following weeks and months, I found a way to reconcile these two aspects of myself. I realized that I didn't have to choose one over the other; I could integrate the wisdom of the jungle into my daily life. I began focusing my energy into a vision of creating a healing container for women, a space where they could transmute their fears into love, just as I had learned to do. This faith led me to discover my coaching course, a pivotal step on my path. It was as if the universe conspired to make it happen quickly, catching me by surprise with the speed of its unfolding.

A vision that came to mind often on returning home was from a ceremony we had in the sacred valley in Peru. We were at an ancient gathering space. Here in the natural stone spaces you could almost make out the ancestors; you could feel their presence, their wisdom, and strength, and unwavering support. When I was there, I felt connected to a lineage of strong, empowered women and men. I felt them behind me, channeling through me. I still feel them urging me on, their wisdom in contrast to the workings of this current world. In those early days at home, they were persistent but gentle, reminding me this is ancient work, to take my time, to honor both my roles as a mother and leader.

A deeper reflection would be that these seemingly different threads don't have to be a competition within you. To lean into time abundance and remember that this is lifetime work, not just for me but for the collective. I still have to remind myself of this as there is so much I would like to be doing to support women in feeling fulfilled in their life. To lean into the fuel that my family offers me. I could not do all of this alone; they are not 'handbrakes'; they are my constant teachers, they keep me in check, continue my growth, and fill me with purpose, joy, and love every day.

The universe rewards the curious and brave. It rewarded me with profound insights, powerful connections, and a deeper sense of self-trust. You can read all about what actually happened in the heart of the Amazon in my chapter on internal safety in the book Unity released 23 November 2023. In this book, we'll embark on a journey, honoring our unique paths while contributing to the collective awakening of empowered women. Join me, and let's uncover the infinite power of self-trust within.

Get Ready for Unity

Yes, Unity is coming soon. The pre-launch date is 8th November. To celebrate, I'll be offering a book bonus bundle, which includes the Sacred Living Process Minicourse, access to our vibrant community hub, and an exclusive invitation to the Unity Summit. Mark the date, and get ready to dive into the world of Unity.

The journey to self-trust and empowerment is ongoing, and I'm thrilled to have you as part of this incredible community. Together, we'll navigate the duality, embrace the duality, and find strength and purpose in every step. Stay curious, stay brave, and let's trust in the unfolding journey ahead.

With love and gratitude,

Kate xx